A common phenomenon is cheating.Approximately 10 percent of married individuals admit to having an affair.Rates go up for couples under 35 years of age.Some choose to keep their indiscretions a secret, while others feel the need to come clean.If you have decided to admit an affair, there are several techniques you can use to make it easier to deliver the bad news.
Step 1: You can choose an appropriate time and place.
Privacy is important for this type of conversation.Pick a time and location that will allow you to keep going.If you want to have a conversation at home, you should do it in the living room.Try not to choose a time when your spouse is already stressed out, such as right after he or she gets off of work.
Step 2: Take your spouse’s schedule and preferences into account.
You may want to check with your partner to make sure that the time and place you are considering will work for him or her.Tell your spouse that you want to discuss something important with him or her and then ask when he or she would like to talk.You could say, “I have something important that I need to talk to you about and I want to make sure that we will have enough time.”When would be good for you?
Step 3: Don’t let the truth get you down.
It is time for the truth if you have decided to come clean.If your partner asks painful questions, complete candidness is necessary.Don’t leave out any details, try to be as straightforward as possible.Some of the details of your affair may be a good idea, but only offering a partial confession will make you feel worse.If you cheated on your partner multiple times, a partial confession would be telling your spouse that you only cheated once.
Step 4: Listen to your spouse.
You have a lot to get off your chest, but your mate will want to say some things as well.Don’t talk over him or her and just listen.Showing respect for their thoughts and feelings will go a long way towards repairing the relationship.You can show that you are listening by leaning towards your partner.Don’t distract yourself to avoid interruptions.Turn off your electronics.When your partner is talking, don’t interrupt him or her.Listen as he or she says what they have to say.Say what your partner said to show you were listening.Say something like, “If I am understanding correctly, it sounds like you are saying”
Step 5: Simple, direct statements are used.
The conversation will be derailed by long-winded stories and unnecessary details.To avoid prolonging a painful conversation, stick to the pertinent details.The mailroom manager needed a new assistant and they met at work.She hired a new guy and began training him.If your mate wants to know more, don’t skimp on the details.
Step 6: They have a right to know.
No matter how many questions your spouse has, answer them as best you can.Being willing to talk is a sign of openness and a commitment to rebuilding trust.divulging all will allow the healing process to begin.You would expect the same patience and respect from them if the shoe were on the other foot.
Step 7: Don’t get defensive.
It will inflame tensions if you don’t take responsibility or downplay your mistakes.Being there to support your partner in their time of need is more important than protecting yourself.According to relationship experts, defensive statements sabotage individual conversations and entire marriages too.”I didn’t mean to hurt you!” should be avoided.It happened once.”You don’t know what you’re talking about!”
Step 8: Don’t defend the other person.
This shows that you have feelings for your partner.Why do you feel compelled to defend them?If you are serious about repairing your relationship then you need to make it clear that your mate is number one.
Step 9: Own up to your mistakes.
Please apologize for your actions.Seeing how painful this process is for your partner should be motivation enough to admit your mistakes.People who are willing to offer up a mea culpa are more likely to be happier.
Step 10: Tell us why you’re sorry.
A statement that acknowledges your error and also shows remorse for injuring the other person is usually included in a sincere apology.Confessing that you’ve hurt your spouse shows them that too.If you don’t know what to say, here are a few suggestions: “I’m so sorry I lied to you.”You didn’t deserve to be treated that way.This was my fault.I apologize for hurting you.I apologized for violating your trust and for lying.
Step 11: Suggest couples counseling.
A joint therapist visit is recommended if you want to make the relationship right again.Dealing with infidelity can take a long time.A trained counselor can help you and your partner put the pieces back together.
Step 12: Don’t allow yourself to be deceived by total honesty.
It will take time to rebuild trust.You are willing to work hard to make your relationship work if you are completely honest with your partner from this point forward.You may need to agree to certain terms that will make your partner trust you again.If you allow your partner to have access to your phone, email, and social media accounts, you might agree to check in more often.
Step 13: Share your feelings with your spouse.
Sharing insights and feelings with your partner is required in order for a relationship to heal after an affair.Take time to understand your motives and then share what you’ve learned with your spouse.”Was I feeling lonely?” is a useful question to ask.”If so, why?”Why did I pick that person over my spouse?What feelings did I have for my ex?
Step 14: Expect a rejection.
70% of couples will work on the relationship and try to stay together, but some will not after a spouse cheat.You should be prepared for the possibility that your relationship will end.You should be prepared for your spouse’s anger.Your spouse has a right to be angry.As your spouse expresses anger, be willing to listen.It may be a total surprise to your spouse, as you have had a lot of time to prepare.