If you have a sinking feeling that your relationship is on the rocks, it’s time to reflect on it and try to save it.To save it, you have to work together to find a solution to the problems you are having.You’re going to have to relearn how to love each other again and how you feel in the past.When should you try this?It might be a good idea to learn more about saving your relationship.
Step 1: Think about when things went wrong.
When things start going off the rails, you can probably figure it out at a critical juncture.You can figure out how to approach the discussion with your partner by thinking about when the problem started.You can easily say that your loved one was unfaithful and that changed the dynamic of the relationship.A series of reasons for why things aren’t working out more often than not.A lot of small things can add up.Maybe he’s spending too much time with his friends, or you never make time for each other.Maybe you’re both stressed out at work.Maybe you are incompatible.It is possible that you have become different people over the course of the relationship.Taking a relationship quiz can help you assess how healthy your relationship is.
Step 2: Should you try to save it?
Sometimes a relationship can’t be saved, especially if the other person is unwilling to work.It’s not going to work out if you only want to save it.If your relationship is abusive in any way, you shouldn’t try to save it.
Step 3: It is a good time to talk to your partner.
It’s a good idea to pick a time when you don’t have a lot of things to do.You won’t be overheard if it’s in a private space.Try to choose time when you don’t get emotional.Put emotion to the side and have a calm, rational discussion.
Step 4: Discuss your relationship with your partner.
If your marriage is in need of saving, it’s likely that your partner already knows a problem exists.You need to start the discussion if you haven’t talked about it.It’s best to do it when you’re calm and level-headed, so that you can talk rather than shout at each other.Listening and hearing what your partner has to say about what’s going on in your relationship is important.If you summarize what your partner has to say to you, you will understand what he or she has said.You can ask questions that show you have heard what the person has said and that you want to know more.If you want to bring up the problem, focus on “I” statements.You could say “I’d really like to discuss what’s been going on with our relationship” instead of “You’re making the relationship a mess.”
Step 5: You can come up with a list.
Discuss your relationship and work on a list.Discuss the problems in your relationship and figure out how it started.It can be difficult to have an open discussion about where the relationship went wrong.You can use educational websites to help identify what’s healthy about your relationship and what isn’t.A healthy relationship is one where you are both your own people and you respect each other’s personality and boundaries.You encourage one another because you are interested in what the other person is doing.Unhealthy relationships are where one of you is not happy with who the other person is, and you are pressured to change the person.You may feel like you’re being manipulated, or you may be the one doing it.
Step 6: The focus should be on patterns.
Rather than blaming each other, think about how your patterns have led to problems.Maybe your partner gets upset when you don’t show up because you forget to call home.You punish him or her the next time he or she doesn’t call home.If you can forgive me the few times that I forget, I will try to be better about calling home.I will be more aware of what time it is if you send me a text at the end of the day.
Step 7: Consider talking to a counselor.
It’s a good idea to call in professional help if you’re trying to save your relationship.If you can’t stand to be in the same room anymore, a counselor can help you figure out what’s going on.
Step 8: They should be honest with each other.
Being honest with your partner shows that you trust him or her.It’s possible to open up about what you’re thinking.When you’re vulnerable, you want your partner to be as honest as possible.It’s important to keep using “I” statements to tell how you feel, instead of blaming the other person.You shouldn’t say “You never put me first” when talking to your partner.You should say, “I sometimes feel neglected in the relationship.”Rather than pointing fingers, you’re telling how you feel.
Step 9: Work with others.
It’s important that both sides of an argument work together.You should treat each other like teammates in your relationship.You need to work together to solve problems.Agreeing on what the problem is the first step.When you agree on what the problem is, you need to discuss what both of you are worried about underneath the surface.If you are both set on winning, no one will win in the end.Discuss why you want the solution.Common ground in the problem and solution is what you should look for.At least you agree that the house needs more attention if you disagree about who should do what.That is a starting point.
Step 10: Discuss the solutions.
Coming up with solutions you both can live with may be the hardest part of this step.You have to agree on what the main problems are in the marriage and come up with ways to make it better.You have to compromise.You’ve both contributed to the situation you’re in, so Blaming each other isn’t going to help.Talking about what you both need and want in a relationship is compromising.You can decide where you can stand your ground and give a little if you take this step.Compromising is giving in where you can.It helps if the solutions are concrete.One of your main problems may be that you don’t spend enough time connecting.If you agree to go on one date a week, you will be able to spend more time together at lunchtime.Maybe you have problems that are partially financial.Agree on a budget that compromises on what you both value.If you’re a saver and want to penny pinch every dime while your partner enjoys extravagant vacations, compromise by going on a more modest vacation every year that is within your budget.The household chores should be reduced.One small thing can become huge if one person feels he or she is doing all the work at home.Make a schedule to determine who will do what when, and have an open discussion about a fair division of the work.
Step 11: You should learn to forgive.
You’re going to have to forgive each other if you want to move forward.It doesn’t mean saying what happened was okay.It means that you have to acknowledge the hurt it caused.Both of you learned from the other person’s mistakes.You have to accept that it happened and move on.There are needs that a person wants to be met.It can help you learn from what happened.
Step 12: Figure out what will happen in the future.
You need to formally commit to the solutions after you’ve identified the problems.You can both live with concrete solutions.It’s fine to revisit your solutions if they don’t work after a certain period of time.
Step 13: Don’t forget boundaries.
Don’t forget that you also need to set boundaries once you’ve made a plan about how to move forward.You can still put boundaries in place to prevent the same mistakes from happening again, even though you forgive each other for what happened.If one of you cheated at a club, it seems reasonable that you shouldn’t go back.”Because of what’s happened in the past, I don’t feel comfortable with you going to the club.”It may be a deal breaker if you insist on going.
Step 14: Why did you get together?
If your relationship is failing, you may forget why you got together in the first place.It’s a good idea to reflect on what you liked about him or her.He made sure to call to see if you got home safely, or she could always make you laugh.Think about how much you loved the other person.One way to think about the past is to look at photos together.
Step 15: Make sure you both are willing to change.
If you want to protect yourself from hurt and anger, you won’t change.You will want to control your partner to make your relationship negative and stagnant.If you’re willing to learn and grow together, your relationship can develop into something better.It may not work if only one of you is willing to change.
Step 16: Don’t worry about what’s bad.
Do you love your partner?Take some time each day to write down five things you love about your partner.Try to put those thoughts into action by thanking your partner.
Step 17: Get to know each other’s love languages.
Everyone experiences love differently.There are five ways in which people experience love, according to Gary Chapman.If you’ve never done it before, now is the time.You can find out what your love language is with online quizzes.The first love language is words ofAffirmation, which means that you feel loved when you hear words that value you.When someone gives of his or her time to help you out or do chores around the house, you feel loved.Gifts are the third love language.It means that you are loved by people who are close to you.Time is the fourth love language.If a person spends time with you, you feel loved.Touch is the final love language.You feel loved if a person kisses you, holds your hand, or hugs you.
Step 18: It is possible to apply the love languages.
Try to use the other person’s love language to show you care.If your partner’s love language is service, try taking his or her car to the wash or doing little things around the house to show you care.It’s important to figure out ways to spend more time with your partner on a regular basis.
Step 19: Take time to talk.
Just like when you first met, you need to spend time with each other.People can still surprise you even years later if you think you know everything.You can ask your partner about his or her life, thoughts, and feelings by taking time each day to talk.One way to get to know your partner better is to take a class together.Some of the old spark will come back when you experience something new with each other.
Step 20: Enjoy your hobbies together.
You should make time to do something you enjoy doing together.It is possible to love cooking Chinese food again.If you used to train for a half marathon but are no longer in shape, commit to the challenge.Some of the old passion you felt will come back if you commit to something you enjoyed doing before.It doesn’t have to be the same thing you used to enjoy.You can try new things.
Step 21: Get physical.
You need to connect to each other through touch, not just sex.Hold each other’s hands or hug them.She’s talking and you should touch her arm.Rub his knee as you sit next to each other.Touch can be lost to the daily grind as it is important in maintaining intimacy.
Step 22: Keep talking.
You may think you’ll be able to fix your problems if you sit down and talk about it.Constantly checking in with each other and talking about what’s going on and how you’re feeling is part of maintaining a relationship.Communication is important when you are angry at your partner and want to be short with him or her.Take a moment to breathe.Take a moment to talk about why you are upset and what can be done about it.
Step 23: If you are still in love, try to save it.
The seed of love that kept you going this long was the reason you got together in the first place.It’s worth working to find a way to communicate again if you still love each other.There are many loving relationships that get off track.If you know in your heart that you care about this person, it’s worth the effort to restore it.
Step 24: If your significant other wants to, try to save it.
Maybe you’re the one who is about to give up on the relationship, but your partner wants to keep trying.It might be worth trying to save it if you’ve been together for a long time.Even though you’re going through a rough time, you might be able to see your partner’s love for you and have faith that things will get better.If it’s worth it to you to try for your partner, you should weigh the options.
Step 25: When you’re ready, give yourself permission to stop.
Sometimes it’s clear that a relationship has to end if one party wants the relationship to continue.If you’ve already put in a lot of effort trying to save the relationship and you don’t want to try again, it’s okay to not try anymore.Don’t criticize yourself for not being able to make it work for a long time.It is possible to choose happiness over self-sacrifice.It’s better for both people if one person stops participating in the relationship.
Step 26: Don’t try to save a toxic relationship.
Toxic patterns or abuse are not a way to work on a relationship.It’s not going to make things better if you don’t work on communication techniques or reignite the romance.You can feel like you’re getting something out of the relationship, but you have more to gain by being free.