How To Put a Friend or Relative out of Your House

Being called upon to help a friend or relative is a situation many find themselves in.For a short time, most of us are happy to help.It can be difficult to evict a houseguest that turns into a long-term roommate without drama.

Step 1: Why would you want them to leave?

Before diving into the conversation, you need to be clear with your reasoning.When they moved in, review any agreements you made with them.Take a look at the situation and their current behavior.”I don’t like living with them” is an acceptable reason to ask someone to move, but you want concrete details, like “they never do the dishes” or ” they said they would leave months ago.”Before talking to them.Along with the date, write down the issues that occur.If things get difficult, you want a detailed record of their behavior.This conversation is likely to damage your relationship.If they’ve been there too long, you need to take a stand because living together with serious differences will hurt your friendship.

Step 2: Speak in a way that is respectful and reasonable.

It is important not to make unreasonable demands, even if you are feeling violated, fed up, or sick.Let them know that you understand how hard it is to ask them to leave.Speak to them in the same way you would a co-worker, sticking to the facts.”We’ve enjoyed having you, but we unfortunately need our space back and have to ask you to leave in the next two weeks.”Depending on the reason why they are staying with you, you may need to gather information on community assistance services to help them move out in time.Help them get in contact with emergency homeless-prevention services if they are at risk for living in their car or on the streets.They might be able to get temporary housing.You should stick to the reasons you drafted.They have not held up their end of the bargain and need to move on to a new environment if they have been a problem.

Step 3: Explain to them why they need to leave.

Do not say “I hate you” or “You’re lazy”.They should be given tangible examples instead of being insulted.A list will come in handy here.Write down the dates and incidents if they are a constant source of issues.Mention a few times when they broke a promise or caused trouble.Focus on your reasons for asking them to leave, not all of their flaws.”We can’t afford to keep you here anymore.”

Step 4: They need to leave by a firm date.

Your friend or relative may not have a place to go if you tell them that they need to leave.Let them know that this is a firm deadline and that they need to leave by a certain date.Try and give at least 1-2 weeks, or until the end of the month, so that they have some time to prepare for their next move.I would like you to leave by April 20th.If there is a legitimate reason for that date to be bad, you can talk to them.Don’t shift by more than 3 days.

Step 5: As a good will gesture, seek out information or alternatives.

Some ideas to help your guest’s relocation process can be found if you have the resources.If you bring these with you to the discussion, you can let them know that there are other options available.They may reject your ideas, but you can still show that you care about their well-being.

Step 6: Clear and consistent about your decision.

Hold your ground once you’ve decided to put them out.Emotions will flare up no matter how prepared you are.You need to stick to your decision.If your housemate convinces you to change your mind, they will realize that they can continue breaking rules without ever changing.You need to be ready to put things out if they are so bad.

Step 7: This may hurt or ruin your relationship.

It is likely that putting out a friend or relative will lead to hard feelings.You need to remember that keeping them in your house for too long can damage your relationship just as much.If you stay under the same roof, your relationship will become toxic if you are constantly in conflict, or if your friend/relative is taking advantage of you.There are ways to keep your friendship alive.You can help them find a job.Don’t insult in tense situations.It is important to you that they find a new place to live if they are angry.Don’t insult each other.Set up times to meet, have them over for dinner, and see each other as friends.If you have disagreements or get into a fight, it may be best to cut them off completely.

Step 8: Send a letter telling them to leave in 30 days or less.

If they’ve been with you for more than 30 days, certain tenant-landlord laws still apply.An attorney can help you draft and send an eviction notice.It’s important to give an advance warning to protect your liability.They will be legally established as an “at- will tenant” by this warning.If you have to pursue legal action, you need this status.They can’t use tenant laws to prevent you from evicting them, so be careful how you say the letter.Make sure to check your state’s policies and make sure you have a clear living arrangement with the person, especially if they are not paying rent.

Step 9: You can file an eviction order with your local courts.

You can take them to court if they don’t leave.It’s much harder to kick them out legally if they paid for groceries or bills.If they ignore the first written warning, you will need to file a formal eviction proceedings with your local district court.In the event that they don’t move, your letter will outline a place for them to receive their belongings, as well as the specific date their stuff will be removed from your house.

Step 10: If you are worried about your safety, don’t change the locks.

Civil suits and legal action could be taken against you if you suddenly evict a tenant, especially if their belongings are still in the house.Changing the locks on a guest can result in jail time in the wrong circumstances.It can lead to further issues if it inflames already high tensions.You can change your locks if you notify the police that you are worried about your safety.

Step 11: If they still refuse to leave, call the police.

Unless they are a legitimate resident of the house, they can be removed from your property as a “trespasser.”It’s usually enough to get someone out the door when the police are involved in the most extreme cases.Police offices will not get involved in this matter.If you’ve sent the letter and/or filed for eviction with the court, they will remove your guest as a trespasser.

Step 12: Rules and boundaries should be set early on.

Set some ground rules if you start to get the feeling someone is becoming more of a roommate than a visitor.You can point to the concrete rules laid down earlier instead of getting emotional when you need to kick them out.The first week is when you should set your expectations.Do they have to pay rent?Is it necessary for them to be pursuing job interviews?If they want to stay in the house, they should have clear goals.A written and signed informal contract is the best way to set the rules and guidelines.It’s better to have the document signed.People who bank at most banks have free notaries.

Step 13: They should have a timetable for their departure.

When they plan on moving out, sit down and ask.It’s easier to stick to this move-out date if they put the ball in their court.You should make one if they don’t have a plan.When they get a job, or after 6 months, come up with something concrete.If they need a job, work together to come up with specific goals to reach, such as applying to one job a day, rewrite their resume, etc.Make sure they are actually trying to get a job and not just enjoying the free bed.

Step 14: As problems arise, make notes.

If your friend or relative is breaking the rules, being disrespectful, or going back on their promises, you should write them down in a small notebook.This gives you more information to bring up when you talk to them about leaving.This should be impersonal as possible.Asking them to leave doesn’t have to ruin a friendship if you base your reasons on facts.

Step 15: Get them back on their feet.

Some people will get out on their own.As they apply to jobs, visit open houses with them, and encourage them to spread out and become independent, read over their resume and cover letters.Someone may leave if you can help them become self-sufficient.Work together to make their goals a reality.This may be all they need to get going, if you can help finance their new move.