Sometimes fighting with your boyfriend can feel worse than making up.You may have to apologize, confront feelings, or find a compromise.All of them will make your relationship better over time.Making up with your boyfriend will make you stronger and more compassionate.
Step 1: Tell him to give you time to cool down.
You will probably get even more frustrated when you are still in the heat of the argument.Give your boyfriend a break from you.Take a break and go to different rooms.I am too upset to talk about this right now.Close your eyes and take deep breaths when you are alone.Slowly you will be able to let go of your anger and frustration.You should take as long as you need to.You can take more time if you need it.
Step 2: Look at the things from his point of view.
People tend to get defensive in arguments, taking criticism personally and blaming their partner so they don’t have to confront their own actions.If you want to break down your defensive barrier, look at things from his point of view.If he acted towards you the way you did towards him, how would you feel?What do you think about him right now?If you think you might be the cause of pain or upset, you should own up to your actions.If your boyfriend ignores your texts, consider his schedule and feelings.Did he have a busy day?Maybe he wanted to reply but didn’t have time.If you yelled at him, it may have made him angry.
Step 3: If it is necessary, give him a sincere apology.
Go in with a new attitude when you are ready to talk.Be specific about what you apologize for if you are in the wrong.You should tell him that you understand why he is feeling this way.You could say, “I apologize for the things I said about your friends.”I might not like them, but I know you do, and I shouldn’t have been so mean.If you got angry at your boyfriend for forgetting about a date, you might apologize for yelling at him or refusing to accept his apologies.
Step 4: You can use “I” statements to explain why you are upset.
Explain your feelings once you have owned up to your actions.Tell him what caused you to fight in the first place.You don’t want to push the blame on them if you use “I” statements.If you want to open up to your boyfriend and show him how you feel, don’t attack him.You could say something like, “It’s just that when I see you spending more time with your friends than you do with me, I feel like I’m not your first priority and that really hurts.”Helping him to see things from your point of view will give him more compassion.
Step 5: Give him time to speak.
Give him the chance to talk after you have explained how you feel.Ask him how he feels and what made him react the way he did.It might be hard for him to open up, so be kind, compassionate, and patient.You won’t judge him for anything he’s feeling if you show him that he can be honest and vulnerable with you.You can say, “Can you tell me where you’re coming from?” or “I know I might have been hard to talk to earlier, but I really want to hear things from your point of view.”Say things like, “I didn’t realize you were feeling that way” when you ask questions.That must have been difficult.I am sorry.
Step 6: The problem that started the fight was identified.
Work together to remember what started the fight after they apologized.Discuss how it connected to other issues.Try to fix the issue instead of pushing it under the rug.You don’t want to get worked up about the fight again.Remember that you are trying to resolve the problem, not restart it.If you don’t feel like you’re ready for a calm discussion, it’s okay to delay it.You could have ended your fight by saying that he doesn’t care about you as much as you do.You might see that it started because he stayed out an hour later than he had planned.
Step 7: Discuss what you both wanted and why it became an issue.
Fights between couples can start with small issues.Explain to your boyfriend why you got upset and what you wanted out of the argument.Make sure you don’t repeat the argument.Talk about it from a calmer perspective, look more closely at your feelings, and figure out a better way to work through them.You might have started by fighting about a missed date.He wasn’t as invested in your relationship as you were.You felt unwanted and defensive.Allow your boyfriend to do the same.Ask him how the issue made him feel.
Step 8: There is a compromise that will work for both of you.
Come together to find a solution that takes both of your opinions into account.As long as he does the same, be willing to give a little or work on your own issues.It can be difficult to find a compromise, but it is the best way to make sure the issue doesn’t come up again.If you’re jealous of your boyfriend talking to another girl, it’s a good idea for him to limit conversations with other girls while you try to get over it.Don’t start another argument on how to find the best solution.Listen to what he has to say.You can ask him to do the same if you are willing to give a little.If you feel upset when you talk about a compromise, tell him you need to take a break.I need to take a moment to myself right now.This conversation should be picked up later.
Step 9: Find a bigger lesson from the argument so that it doesn’t happen again.
If you learn a lesson from an argument, you can get something positive out of it.When you agree on a solution, ask yourself if there were any deeper issues that came up during the argument.Talk about them in a calm way.If you had an argument about doing the dishes, you could create a schedule.Discuss any deeper issues like the feeling that you are doing more chores than he is.You should look for patterns in your arguments as well.It’s a sign that there is a deeper issue at work if you get into fights about similar things.You can learn how to make your arguments more constructive and less offensive in the future.If you blame him for everything, or if he refuses to talk, your boyfriend might not like it.
Step 10: If the problem doesn’t have a solution, agree to disagree.
Not every argument has a solution.If your argument is about things that neither of you can change, you should decide if that is a dealbreaker.Agree to respect each others opinions and move forward if you care enough about your boyfriend to weather this difference together.If you and your boyfriend got into an argument about politics, there is little you can do to find a solution.If the topic is not a dealbreaker for you, you can agree to respect each other’s opinions.
Step 11: To heal any wounds, do something kind for each other.
You can help the healing process by doing something nice for each other after you apologized and worked towards a solution.Offer to cook each other a meal, or watch a movie together.It’s a good idea to show each other kindness after a fight.
Step 12: Try meditating.
During and after a fight, negative thoughts can take over.You can use meditation to control your thoughts during fights.Set aside 5 minutes a day to sit in a quiet room and relax.Detach from your day by taking deep breaths.Remember that your thoughts are fleeting and that you have no control over them.When you have a negative feeling during a fight, tell yourself that it doesn’t have to take over.Accept the thought and move on.This practice will help you recognize and accept your feelings, even the negative ones, so that you don’t take them out on your boyfriend.
Step 13: Discuss what you can do to improve your relationship.
If you get into an argument with your boyfriend, don’t blame him personally.It’s okay to complain about your relationship from time to time, but coming at it from a combative angle is a sure way to start another argument.If you want to talk about how you and your boyfriend don’t go on dates very often, avoid saying something like, “You never wanna take me out anymore.”Don’t use words like “never” or ” always”, which blow situations out of proportion and put him in a place of blame for a major issue.
Step 14: Instead of being defensive, take responsibility.
You can throw the blame back on your boyfriend if you get defensive during an argument.You can create a blame cycle when he gets defensive.If you get into an argument, pay close attention to any feelings of defensiveness that come up.If you’re in the wrong, consider what you can do to improve.If your boyfriend points out that you spend a lot of time at work, you might say that he spends more time with his friends than you do.This won’t solve the issue and will make your boyfriend defensive.Take his opinions and observations into account.You can give him more attention when you are together because you can’t decrease your time at work.Take a break from the conversation if you find yourself in a loop of defensive statements.I don’t think it’s productive right now.We can talk later if I clear my mind.
Step 15: Don’t care what bugs you, focus on what you love about your boyfriend.
You are setting yourself up to get into big fights if you think negatively about your boyfriend or complain about him.Think about what you love about him.Do you know what he adds to the relationship?What makes you smile?If you focus on your boyfriend’s best qualities, you can create a culture of appreciation that fosters love instead of anger or contempt.You may want to reexamine your relationship if you can’t come up with reasons why you care about him.You want to be with someone who makes you happy.For no reason, make a habit of thanking him.Give him a compliment every day and do something nice for him once a week.Hopefully, he will return the gesture.You will be able to have a more positive outlook on your relationship.
Step 16: Don’t give him a silent treatment.
You are disengaging from an argument if you ignore your boyfriend or give him one-word answers.It will only frustrate your boyfriend even more because this eliminates the possibility of a solution.Don’t shut down without warning when you’re overwhelmed by the argument.Tell your boyfriend that you need a break.When you are ready, take some time to calm down and come back to the conversation.Make sure you don’t try to avoid the argument or give him the cold shoulder.I am not ignoring you or giving you the silent treatment.I need to take a break and think.