How To Love a Person for Who They Are

Sometimes you feel obligated to love someone.They could be an important figure in your life, such as a parent, child, or other family member.You may want to love that person, but you may not be able to appreciate them for who they really are.You can come to a place of love and acceptance if you take the time to learn more about the other person and empathise with them.

Step 1: Seek understanding.

Understand the other person better.You might be having difficulty with their beliefs or actions, which are different from your own.Some things remind you of things you don’t like.Discuss their opinions with them.You don’t have to agree with them, but you can try to understand where they’re coming from by talking.Be curious and open.Come to them with an interest in learning.It is normal for people to wish for others to be different.

Step 2: Practice being compassionate.

It is possible to take on someone else’s perspective and feelings, so as to understand them better and act differently towards them.You can grow your ability to empathise by being curious.You don’t know a lot about other people’s perspectives and worldviews.Challenge your own biases.If you want to find something in common with others, look for it.

Step 3: Accept.

Accept that you have differences and similarities.The other person is unique and you should appreciate that.If you say to yourself, “I accept you,” you can indirectly practice acceptance.You are who you are.We are all unique and your path is different than mine.If a friend just got fired from her job, you can say, “It sounds like you’re really feeling scared about what to do next, which is understandable since you had a hard time.”Don’t judge her on losing the job, just focus on her.

Step 4: Spend time together.

Seek connection with the other person by sharing activities.Spending time together will help you build on each others strengths and bring you closer, learn more about who they are, and give you memories to share.Sharing a meal is one activity to consider.Spending time outdoors.A puzzle or another project is being worked on.The person is walking.

Step 5: Let go of expectations.

What expectations do you have for the other person?Talk them through with a trusted friend or counselor.Are your expectations realistic?Look at who they are and what they can do, not who you want them to be.If you want your spouse to spend time with you after work, you have to directly ask them.It’s not realistic to expect them to know what you want without telling you.You can say, “I would like for us to take a walk together after you get home from work.”Is that something you can do?

Step 6: Encourage vulnerability.

When you let your guard down, you get the feeling of vulnerability.Courage and vulnerability are required for you to be vulnerable.It is hard to experience love, joy, and connection without vulnerability.You can encourage vulnerability by letting go of the need to be perfect.You yelled at your children because of a bad day.Try to be vulnerable instead of moving on.You can apologize to your children later.I yelled at you because I had a hard day.I shouldn’t have done that, it shows them that it’s okay to make mistakes.Maybe you are worried that your mother-in-law will think your house is dirty when she comes over.Try to be vulnerable and show your feelings.You can say that you are sorry.I haven’t had time to clean up before you got here, because we’ve just been going through such a tough transition to both of us working full-time.

Step 7: Don’t write your thoughts down.

They may not do the same things if you show compassion, understanding, and acceptance.You may be hoping that they will change.You can only change yourself and those around you.Reframing your thoughts is a better way to stand up for yourself.Maybe your mother-in-law continues to criticize your cleaning skills even though you have explained that you are very busy right now.You can think to yourself, “It’s okay for me to have imperfect cleaning skills and not meet her expectations.”I don’t have to live like her because I love her for her attention to detail.

Step 8: Establish boundaries.

If you set boundaries, you can still love someone even if you have different opinions.When they are frustrating or disagreeing, be honest.Are you upset that you don’t agree with me?Limit the time you spend with them.If you need to leave, have an exit strategy.Know what topics to avoid.

Step 9: Give thanks, affection, and appreciation.

To show your appreciation, compliment and encourage one another.Instead of focusing on the negatives, highlight what you like about each other.Don’t forget to keep a gratitude journal.Write down five things you are grateful for.This will remind you of their good qualities instead of trying to change them.

Step 10: Go ahead and do it.

They should invest time and interest in each other.During good times and bad times, commit to each other.Accept one another and work through any problems together.Allow each others’ differences to be forgiven.Be present.When you’re trying to spend quality time with each other, don’t talk on your phone, do work, or focus on other things.Establish traditions with each other.Despite your differences, develop and share goals.You should be willing to make compromises.

Step 11: It is important to communicate effectively.

Don’t be vague about what you want from each other.Listen to theirs and share your perspective.Asking them questions will show you understand.There are moments of disagreement that can be used to teach about what you need.You can say, “I love spending time with you and spoiling you with ice cream, but I feel sad when you don’t say thank you.”