Living with gay parents can be difficult.It’s difficult to deal with intolerance if you are gay, have a close loved one who is, or just support the LGBT movement in general.If your parents have said or done gay things in the past, you can try to change them.You might decide if you want to come out to your parents.In case of a negative reaction, make sure you have a plan in place.It’s possible to learn how to love whoever you want and stand up for yourself.
Step 1: You can address their concerns by listening to them.
Getting a good understanding of what another person’s views are is the only way to convince them to change their views.Maybe you don’t understand why your parents feel the way they do, even if you have heard them make homophobic comments before.Start a dialogue with them about their feelings about gay people and use active listening skills to truly hear their side of the story.Even if what they say is upsetting, don’t defend your own views.You will be able to talk later.
Step 2: You can better understand how they feel by asking questions.
Understanding your parents’ views will allow you to see things from their perspective.When you ask your parents why they are against gay people, they may try to ignore it.”Because it’s just wrong!”Ask them clarifying questions to get more information.Why do you think it’s wrong?You can uncover a deeper reason that they are against gay people if you look at their religious beliefs.
Step 3: Give religious parents time to think.
If your parents are religious, they may have learned that homosexuality is wrong.They may not accept that homosexuality is part of who you are.They will likely push back if they try to attack their religion.They should be educated with current research.If you know people in your religious community who are against homosexuality, invite them to talk to your parents.
Step 4: Tell your parents what you think.
Tell your parents that you are an individual who is gay.They can ask you questions and you can answer them.You can help them find educational materials.If you are trying to broaden their views, you might share an experience of a friend or watch a video with them that shows an inside perspective.There isn’t much you can do to convince your parents to open their minds.It might make them less inclined to listen to you if you push too hard.
Step 5: Do not give up on your parents.
If you want your parents in your life, you have to accept them as they are.They will respond eventually if you keep reaching out.They may have a change of heart.It is possible that your parents will change over time to maintain a relationship with you.
Step 6: Do you think coming out is a good idea?
You should live your life out and proud, but always put your safety first.If you are a minor, coming out to your parents can be harmful.Your parents might kick you out if they say harmful things to you.Before you tell your parents you’re gay, make sure they don’t threaten you.Take their responses to your questions about their beliefs into account.Listen to your intuition.You should wait until the timing feels right to tell them.
Step 7: You should have a plan for how you will handle a bad reaction from your parents.
If things go wrong, you should have a place to stay and someone to talk to.If your parents cut you off, how will you support yourself?If things don’t go well, it will help you protect yourself.If you are ready to be on your own, you might want to stay with a family member who can help cover your costs.You could stay with a friend’s family.
Step 8: It is a good time to come out.
When you and your parents are in a good mood, talk to them.Don’t come out during a holiday, a big family event, or an argument.You want your parents to hear what you have to say.Think about what you will say before the event.A trusted friend or adult can help and support you during this conversation.
Step 9: As your parents adjust, be kind and compassionate.
Your parents may be surprised by your coming out.They could react with sadness, confusion, or denial.If you can, try to understand where they are coming from and be gentle with them.Tell them you can still have kids and get married, and that you are happy.
Step 10: Give them time to respond, but leave if they are not safe.
Your parents may argue with you about your identity.It can be very painful, but they will eventually accept you.If they aren’t threatening you, listen to them and try to convince them that you really need them to love you.Don’t argue with them, as this could escalate the situation.Say something like, “I understand that you feel that way, but I hope you know that this is who I am, and I don’t agree with your beliefs.”I hope you will accept me as I am, I know you love me.
Step 11: Give your parents time to process what you said.
Your parents may need time to accept that you are gay.Your relationship with them might be strained for a while before it gets better.As they let go of their previous goals for you, be patient and accept who you really are.
Step 12: Emphasize that you are still the same person.
Show your parents that you are still the same person as they love you.You should live your life the way you normally do.Discuss your day with your parents, and invite them to do things you would normally do as a family.Your parents will feel normal again if you act the same as you always have.
Step 13: Explain that accepting your identity makes you happy.
It is possible that your parents will not approve of you being LGBTQ+ or that you won’t live a fulfilling life.They might fight to change who you are.Help them understand that their fears are not true.Tell them that the most important thing is that you have their support.You could say, “I can see why you would be worried about me, but I will be okay.”I need you to love me.
Step 14: Follow your plan.
If your parents don’t take the news well, grab your packed bag and go to the place where you’ve planned to stay.Take care of yourself during this time.You can reach out to your parents to see if they are willing to accept.
Step 15: If your parents threaten you, go somewhere safe.
Your parents may be angry with you after you come out.It is important that you move to safety because you don’t deserve this type of treatment.You should leave the situation and call someone you trust.When you are ready to contact your parents, move to a safe location.Before you tell your parents, you should stay with a friend or family member.If you can’t find a place to stay, contact your local organization.If there are any local shelters near you, you might try them.If you are a member of a faith community, you might be able to stay with someone.
Step 16: Understand verbal abuse when you hear it.
It is not okay for your parents to hurt you.Your parents may make jokes about you or threaten you.Don’t take the things your parents say personally.Don’t forget that your parents are speaking from a place of fear until you can move out.A counselor or friend can help you deal with harmful statements from your parents.Abuse is still verbal.If your parents treat you this way, it may be best for you to live somewhere else.
Step 17: You should surround yourself with people who support you.
People in your life are likely to accept you for who you are.You can reach out to members of the community in person or online.Ask your supporters to be with you during this time.When you need advice or vent, talk to these people.You can boost your mood by spending time with your supporters.When you need a place to stay, financial support, or food, rely on your support system.
Step 18: A counselor can help you deal with your feelings.
It is difficult to feel rejected by your parents.A counselor can help you deal with your emotions.Look for a counselor at your school.You can get counseling for free at your school or university if you have a psychology program.There may be free support groups in your area.
Step 19: If your parents can’t accept you, ask them to attend family counseling.
Your relationship can get better if you feel rejected by your parents.Counseling can help you communicate better with your parents.Your counselor may be able to help you understand each other’s perspective.Make an appointment for counseling with your parents if you want to improve your relationship.If your parents don’t want to talk to a counselor, you can get individual counseling for yourself.You can talk to a school counselor for free if you are in high school or college.
Step 20: Make it clear that you are not asking for permission.
Your parents might want you to be straight.It might make the situation worse if you argue with them.You still want a relationship with them, so calmly tell them that you aren’t going to change.Say something like, “I understand that you don’t approve, and I’m not asking for permission.”I hope for your acceptance and tolerance.
Step 21: You should live your life for yourself.
You have to live your life, not your parents, so resolve to do it on your own terms.It is not your parents place to make you behave or feel a certain way.If you live in your parents’ house, they still have some say over your activities.It may be time to step out on your own if you are worried about how coming out will affect your day-to-day life.