How To Come Out to Your Parents

Gay men, lesbian women, asexual individuals, and bisexual or trans people are scared to come out to their parents.For many people, coming out may shatter their perception of you because your parents have spent more time with you than any other person.It is important to be honest with your parents.It will be easier to handle if they have a plan to come out to them.

Step 1: Consider how receptive your parents will be to the news.

If you think that your parents will be supportive of your sexual orientation, then you should make a plan.Consider how your parents will react if you think this will be a complete shock.You should wait to tell your parents if you think they will react negatively.If your parents make homophobic comments, or if you are financially dependent on them, consider the questions.If any of these thoughts lead to a “yes,” then it is probably better to wait until you are able to support yourself on your own, or if you feel more prepared with a stronger support system.Drop hints to get a better idea of how they might respond.It might not be the right time to come out.An immediate negative reaction won’t be how they feel forever.Many parents become very accepting after a child comes out to them, as their thoughts can change over time.

Step 2: How do you want to tell them?

A face-to-face conversation is one of the ways that you can do this.Consider how you feel communicating with your family as you ponder how to tell them.Explaining everything in a letter may give them more time to digest the news.Maybe your family likes to talk about things, or maybe you express yourself better.Once you make a decision, stick to it.It will prevent you from being disorganized when you tell them.

Step 3: You need to gather support to tell them.

The next step is to build a support system of people who will always be there for you.Establish a support system with people who already know that you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or trans.If you come out to your parents, make sure that they are okay with it.Ask the parents of other gay, lesbian, bisexual, or trans people to be a support system for your parents.Sending your parents to another set of parents who have gone through the same experience can help them accept your sexuality.Before you come out, have another set of parents meet with you.If you are mentally prepared to have this conversation, you will be able to answer your parents’ questions.If they suggest therapy, you should be open to it because it will likely confirm that you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or trans.If you feel that you need to change something about the way you present yourself or your appearance in order to feel comfortable, talk to your parents about mental health.It is possible to convince them to believe you or allow you to make the changes you need, but also to help you feel better.If you believe your family will be receptive, openness can be beneficial.

Step 4: You can give your parents books, pamphlets or websites about the LGBT community.

It will help them through the stages of loss if you give them information.Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG), Trans-Youth Family Allies, National Resource Center on Aging, and the National LGBT Health Education Center are some of the organizations.

Step 5: You should research questions they might ask.

Being well-informed while having this conversation with them will assure them that you are serious about this and that it is not just a phase or something that can be cured.You should have answers to any of the questions or comments.Why are you gay?I heard that all gay people have the disease.Isn’t it unnatural to be gay/lesbian/bisexual?Why did you take so long to tell me?Will you be able to find a job?Will you have a family?My religion says that homosexuality is wrong.What are the statistics of being physically attacked by a gay/lesbian/bisexual person?Will you be able to lead a happy life?Will you be different now?Will you show your sexuality?That will make me uneasy.How can I support you?

Step 6: If the conversation goes badly, you should have a back-up plan.

If your parents cut you off financially or ask you to leave the house, you need to have somewhere to go and someone to help you through this time.To whom you have already come out, reach out to a friend, relative, teacher, or counselor.If your parents kick you out of their house, ask them if you can stay with them, or if they can help you find a safe place to stay.If you need someone to talk to and support you after a negative experience coming out to your parents, this is a good place to go.Take some time to save money so that you can support yourself.If you are of legal working age, this could mean getting a part-time job.If you don’t have your own transportation, you need to figure out a way to get there.This could include using the public transportation system in your city, getting rides from a friend or family member, or using someone else’s car.Figure out a way to say thank you to the person or family you are staying with.If you can, you could help them pick up some chores and make things easier for them.

Step 7: If the conversation goes badly, you should have a back-up plan.

You will need support if the conversation doesn’t go well.You can reach out to friends, relatives, or counselors who have supported you in the past.Make arrangements to meet with one of them at their home or in a place that you enjoy in the event that the conversation with your parents goes poorly.If you don’t live with your parents, but they still financially support you, you should get a part-time or full time job so that you can support yourself.Do you want your parents to have time and space?You can either try to reach them via phone, email, or in person or you can wait.You should go with what feels best for your family.

Step 8: It’s a good idea to come out at an appropriate time and place.

It’s not always a good idea to do things like this, but you need to think about it when you tell them.Don’t come out during a family crisis, a large family gathering, or an argument.This could cause your parents to think that you are coming out because of anger or jealousy.When it will be only you and your parents, find a time.There will be nothing else to distract or interrupt.You should come out at home rather than in a public place.It would cause a scene in a public place if your parents reacted badly.They might think you are trying to humiliate them.

Step 9: Think about the way you want to start the conversation.

The hardest part will be taking the first step.I need to tell you something because I felt like I had to keep it a secret for a long time.I need to talk to you about something that’s important to me because I’ve had something on my mind for a long time.I want you to know that I’m honest with you.

Step 10: Explain your sexual orientation to your parents.

There is no right or wrong way to say it.I’m gay/lesbian/bisexual.I’ve known this for a long time.I think I might be gay.I’m not sure what to think about people of the same sex being attracted to me.I feel like I was born in the wrong body.I think I might feel more comfortable doing things that boys and girls do.

Step 11: Explain your point of view to your parents.

The more you can help them understand you, the better.It feels natural to be heterosexual for me.I am the same person I was before.I decided to identify as gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender because I’ve identified that way for so long.I want to be honest about who I am, and I feel like I’m punishing myself when I push those feelings down.They interest me more and feel more natural to me, but it seems unnatural right now because I’m a boy/girl.

Step 12: Tell your parents why you haven’t come out before.

This will help them understand you.I was afraid that you would not approve of me, and that it would ruin our relationship.

Step 13: Let your parents know what they can do to support you.

The support you will get from others in your life will help you do that.I would love for you to learn more about my friends and how important they are to me.If you feel ready, it would be great to meet them.I hope that you will read it because it should answer any questions you have.If you took the time to do that, it would mean a lot to me.I have the information you need so we can go when you are ready.Our community gets stronger when we have allies.

Step 14: You created a plan to come out to your parents.

If you want to have a conversation or give a letter, use your plan.Prepare to answer their questions.They can learn more if you give them the book, pamphlet, and other resources that you found with them.If the experience doesn’t go well, remember your back-up plan.

Step 15: In your decision to tell them that you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or trans, be clear about it.

If you have a firm stance in this self-awareness, you will be less confused for your parents.If you want to show your parents that you are certain about your sexuality, you need to remain firm in your stance.If you want to build your relationship with them, you should tell them why you are coming out.

Step 16: As if they have just suffered a loss, parents will go through a similar series of stages.

Some parents may never reach true acceptance, but this will be their path to acceptance.This could be a challenging time as they work through the first few stages.Guilt expression of personal decision-making.

Step 17: As you talk with them, remain calm.

It shows your parents that you are serious about this conversation.Don’t get angry and turn the conversation into an argument.Take some time to teach them.As your parents understand your sexuality, your role may be reversed.You may have to teach them how to accept this.When you can’t answer a question, direct them to a resource where they can find an answer.If they seem slow to understand what’s going on, don’t get annoyed, frustrated, or frustrated.They will need time to get used to it.

Step 18: You should assure your parents that you are doing this to improve your relationship with them.

Maintaining a strong relationship with your parents is dependent on this reassurance.It’s important for your parents to know that you love and accept yourself.They want to know that you are happy.Your parents should know that you are healthy.When comforted with this thought, they may find themselves coming to acceptance more quickly.They should have their support system during this time.Supporting them is the ultimate act of showing them that you love them and want to help them.Do everything you can to help them understand why you came out.

Step 19: This will take them a long time.

Life will not return to normal immediately after a conversation.As parents work through accepting your coming out, remind yourself of the stages above.Consider the emotions that parents will experience while they process your coming out: guilt, self-blame, fear, confusion, doubt, denial.Your parents are likely to blame themselves for what happened in raising you.This will be a challenging time for them.One of your parents may be accepted more quickly than the other.Although you think of your parents as a single unit, remember that they are individual people who process things in different ways.

Step 20: Accept the emotions of your parents.

While your parents are working through your coming out, it is important that you accept their feelings.Even if your parents project anger, be strong.They will start to think rationally when they stop feeling controlled by their emotions.Negative emotions should not be projected on your parents.If you want to avoid anger when coming out to your parents, you should do the same thing.They will slow down their process of acceptance if they become angry or resentful with them.

Step 21: Encourage your parents to go out.

Sharing this news with other relatives or close family friends is part of their acceptance process.Refer your parents to other parents who have already accepted their child’s coming out.PFLAG is a support network for Lesbians and Gays.A mutual relative who supports you can be a point of contact for both you and your parents.It will allow your parents to talk about your coming out.

Step 22: You can learn to accept how far your parents go on the path to true acceptance.

Not all parents will be able to accept that their son or daughter is gay, lesbian, bisexual, or trans, and you will need to learn how to interact with your parent in that scenario.If your parents are interested in learning more, introduce them to your friends who are also gay, lesbian, bisexual, or trans.They might be able to confront stereotypes.If your parents don’t want to talk about your sexual orientation, then you have to approach them in a different way.They may need time to accept, so don’t force the issue on them.If one or both of your parents are unwilling to accept it, reach out to your support system for help.It is possible that your parent will come around in time.