How To Choose Your Battles in Marriage

Marriage is difficult from time to time.Sometimes two people disagree when they spend most of their time together.Some disagreements do not need a major discussion or argument.Learning to pick your battles means letting go of differences.When it comes to major disagreements, find a respectful way to discuss the matter with your spouse and look for a compromise.

Step 1: Think before reacting.

If your partner did something that made you angry, take some time to process it.Go collect your thoughts if you need to go for a walk or have some alone time.You can choose your response after you think through the situation.

Step 2: Take into account how much the issue is bothering you.

Do you think it’s worth it when you get angry, frustrated, or upset?Sometimes, your emotions show that something isn’t right.Minor annoyances that can be let go can cause anger and frustration.This is something to discuss if your spouse made a comment that hurt you.If you’re fed up with a bad habit like your spouse leaving a dirty dish in the sink overnight, you can let it go.”When you made those comments about my female bosses, it really bothered me.”

Step 3: Stay with a single issue.

Try not to think about the issue.It is easy to take a small thing, like who’s going to do the dishes that night, and look at who else does more chores.This can make small matters appear larger than they really are.Focus on how the single issue made you feel.

Step 4: When issues can cause longterm problems, recognize them.

Think about the longterm consequences when you decide whether or not to raise an issue.Is this something that could lead to resentment in the future or is it over in a few days?The answer to this question is important to make a decision.You’re angry that your spouse didn’t invite you to see a movie with a friend.This is something you’ll get over if your spouse spends time with you.Longterm resentment and frustration can be caused by bigger issues.If you consistently feel left out of your spouse’s social life, and they failed to invite you to a major event, this may be worth a discussion.

Step 5: Take into account the emotional toll of the issue.

Fights and debates take a lot of time.When you encounter a potential conflict, ask yourself if it’s really worth the extra energy of fighting.If you’re not upset by the issue, you may not want to add more stress to the situation.Your spouse is usually five or ten minutes late to events.Five or ten minutes is not a lot of time.The issue isn’t worth pressing.If your spouse makes you late by half an hour or more, this is significant, especially if it affects your social life and relationships.The matter may warrant an argument.It affects our relationship with friends when we are late.We need to work on this.

Step 6: What is at stake?

There is something at stake in every argument.Minor gains and losses are sometimes what you have to gain.Evaluate the potential benefit of the discussion.If your spouse chews gum loudly, arguing over this wouldn’t lead to major changes in your marriage other than them abandoning a bad habit.You’re caring for the dog alone if your spouse doesn’t walk it often.You could get help with a major responsibility and prevent resentment if you discuss this issue.This is an issue that should be debated.

Step 7: Talk about major life problems.

Major problems should be the priority over small annoyances.You and your spouse may not be able to resolve big conflicts if you argue about every small issue.It’s better to fight your battles over major disagreements.If your spouse prefers to stay up a little later than you, this is a subjective difference that can be ignored.This is a bigger issue that affects your life if your spouse keeps you up at night when you need to sleep.It needs to be discussed.

Step 8: You should be honest about your feelings.

Don’t talk things over with your spouse.Your spouse will understand why you feel an issue is worth discussing if you express your feelings clearly.You’re more of a night owl, but I work early in the morning.I don’t have the energy to talk after you wake me up.

Step 9: Win-win scenarios are what you should look for.

You and your spouse can get what you want out of the situation.Think about a mutually beneficial solution instead of finding a way to win.Staying up later is not reasonable.Your spouse could agree to let you sleep at night and you could make time to talk with them in the morning.

Step 10: Search for a solution.

You may not be able to both get what you want.You can compromise if you sacrifice something small.While you like going out with friends, your partner prefers to stay in.You could go out on Saturdays and stay on Fridays.

Step 11: Let go of the things that have been done.

You have to let it go after something has been addressed.The next disagreement should not include a fight between you and your partner.Instead of pressing the issue, focus on the compromise or win-win scenario you came to and try to live with it.If you promised to stay in one night a week, don’t force your spouse to go out on Fridays.Accept the difference and honor the agreement you made.