You were taught to help out others.Sometimes people might take advantage of your generosity and kind nature and expect more from you than is right.The people may ask you for favors multiple times, without giving you any favors or showing you gratitude.It can be difficult to speak up for yourself when this sort of boundary is crossed.If there are people in your life who take you for granted, protect yourself and reset those boundaries.
Step 1: Accept your feelings.
It’s important to acknowledge that you’re being taken for granted.You can’t fix this problem until you admit that they exist.A variety of mental and physical health benefits have been linked to expressing and analyzing your negative emotions.Repressing your feelings will only make them worse.If you have been taught to be nice in a way that is passive, that allows people to take advantage of you, and that you don’t have a right to speak up for yourself, this may be difficult.”Do nice things without expecting anything in return.”There is a certain amount of goodness in being kind to people without expecting to be rewarded, but that doesn’t mean you should lend money to someone who is irresponsible with money.Women are conditioned to be nice and that speaking up for themselves is not being nice.Sometimes you will be taken for granted.Parents are often taken for granted.Sometimes what seems like self-centeredness is a normal part of a child’s growth.There is a difference between acknowledging your feelings and dwelling on them.If you focus on negative feelings without working to correct them, you will feel worse than when you started.
Step 2: You have the right to be respected.
Social and cultural pressures can make you believe that saying no to others is rude.You may have been taught that your work is not worth as much as others.This is a problem for women.These things can make you feel taken for granted.It isn’t wrong to want to be respected and appreciated, and everyone has the right to do that.It’s natural to be angry or hurt, and it can be easy to let those feelings take over.Don’t let your anger on the other person distract you from being constructive.
Step 3: Think about what is making you feel this way.
You need to examine what is happening to make you feel this way to address your feelings of being taken for granted.List the behaviors and events that make you feel unappreciated.You can ask the other person to change things.You can find things about your own communication that you need to work on.You may need to communicate your boundaries more clearly.Feelings of being unappreciated are a common reason why employees leave their jobs.When their boss acknowledges their work, 81% of employees say they are more motivated at work.People who feel lonely are more likely to allow others to take advantage of them.It’s possible that you are taken for granted because you’re afraid of being lonely.Don’t assume the motives of the other person.If you think you know why a person does what they do, you may be wrong.This can cause you to make incorrect assumptions.You may feel taken for granted because you frequently offer rides to a co-worker but they did not return the favor when your car broke down.You don’t really know why without talking to Jenny.Maybe she was being a terrible person and didn’t return the favor because she had a dentist appointment that day.
Step 4: Do you know what has changed in the relationship?
It’s possible that you once felt valued by the person who is now taking you for granted.It might be related to the fact that you should not feel appreciated.Identifying what has changed about your interactions with the other person can help you feel better.It is possible to find a solution for the relationship.Think back to when you first met the other person.What did they do that made you feel appreciated?What is not happening now?Did you change anything about yourself?If you feel like you aren’t appreciated at work, that could be because you’re not getting a raise or acknowledged on a project.It’s possible that you don’t feel involved in decision-making.Think about what made you feel appreciated and see if anything has changed.
Step 5: Think about the other person’s perspective.
It can be hard to consider the other person’s perspective when you feel injustice in a relationship.Why should you try to understand why you are being treated this way?It is helpful to understand what the other person is feeling.It can help you find a solution to the problem.People don’t tend to treat others badly in the absence of personality disorders.Accusing someone of being a jerk is likely to get the other person angry.Think about the wants and needs of the other person when people feel accused.Have they changed?When people are no longer interested in the relationship but don’t know how to leave, they will use passivedistancing techniques, such as not returning favors and not showing affection or appreciation.
Step 6: Look at your communication.
You don’t have to blame yourself when others are unkind.You can make your own decisions.If you feel ignored or disrespected by others, you may be able to change how they respond to you.There are some attitudes and behaviors that may encourage others to treat you unfairly.You don’t want to ask for a revision of expectations out of fear that the other person will find fault with you.You don’t say your true feelings, thoughts, or beliefs.If it wouldn’t be too much trouble, would you say it’s only my opinion, but…People’s feelings, needs, and thoughts are more important than yours, you think.You put yourself in front of others.If you do what other people expect of you, you will be liked or loved.
Step 7: Do you have beliefs about yourself?
When you hold irrational beliefs, they can cause hurt and discontent.These beliefs demand more from themselves than from others.They can use “should” statements.Do you believe that it is important to be loved and approved of by everyone in your life?If others don’t acknowledge you, you’re considered aloser, worthless,useless, or stupid.You often use “should” statements, such as “I should be able to do everything anyone asks of me” or ” I should always try to please others.”
Step 8: Understand distorted thinking.
You might think about yourself in a distorted way because of the irrational beliefs you have.You have to confront distorted thoughts about yourself in order to deal with feeling taken for granted.You might think that you are responsible for everyone’s feelings.You worry about hurting others’ feelings by saying no, so you always say “yes” when they ask.If you aren’t honest about your boundaries, you’re not doing yourself or the other person any favors.It can be helpful to say no.Personalization is a common distortion.You make yourself the cause of something when you personalize it.Imagine that your friend has asked you to babysit so she can go to a job interview, but you have an important event of your own at that time that can’t be changed.It would make you feel responsible for your friend’s situation even though you are not.If you didn’t respect your own needs when you said yes, you might feel dissatisfied.Catastrophizing occurs when you allow your view of a situation to spiral out of control.If you imagine that if you speak up to your boss, he will fire you and you will end up living in a box, you may feel taken for granted.This won’t happen.One of the self-defeating beliefs that can keep you trapped in a cycle of feeling taken for granted is that you don’t deserve anything different.If you believe that others will leave you if you don’t like them, you’ll keep people in your life that do not contribute to your happiness or growth.
Step 9: You should think about what you want.
You don’t want to be taken for granted.What do you want?It will be hard to see a change in your situation if you don’t know what to do.Try to come up with a list of things you want to change about the relationship.You will be able to take better action if you know what your ideal interaction looks like.Think about the way you’d like your interactions to go if you feel taken for granted because your children only call you when they need money.Do you want them to call once a week?When have they had a good day?When they ask for money, do you want to give it to them?Do you give them money because you’re worried they won’t call you?You need to communicate your boundaries to others.
Step 10: You should honor yourself.
You can’t set a boundary and not stick to it.You may feel unappreciated because you aren’t communicating your needs and feelings clearly, or you may be interacting with a person who is manipulating you.There are people who manipulate others to get what they want.Don’t assume that the situation will clear itself up if the other person’s treatment of you stems from ignorance or manipulation.You have to take action.
Step 11: Do you understand interactions with others?
You’re allowing yourself to jump to conclusions about how interactions will go, which may make you feel taken for granted.You might think that the other person will be hurt or angry with you if you tell them no, or that they don’t care about you.Slow down and think logically.They don’t give you gifts in return if you give your romantic partner gifts to express your love.You feel unappreciated because you are tying the other person’s love for you to an action.Your partner might care about you but not show it through the specific action you’re looking for.This misunderstanding could be cleared up by talking to your partner.You can look at how others have handled requests.If you feel like your boss is taking you for granted, talk to your co-workers.How have they dealt with the requests?Have they been through the bad vibes you expect for yourself?You’re the only person who won’t stand up for yourself, so you may be getting the work piled on.
Step 12: Be assertive.
Communicating assertively doesn’t mean you’re mean.You clearly express your needs, feelings, and thoughts to others, that’s what it means.They may end up taking advantage of you even if they don’t mean to.If you do so assertively, you can express negative emotions without hurting others.Speak openly and honestly about your needs.Don’t apologize or demean yourself if you use “I”-focused statements.It is fine to say no.You don’t have to feel guilty if you deny a request.
Step 13: Become comfortable with confrontation.
Some people will try to avoid conflict.They might be afraid of displeasing others.People from a collectivist culture may not view conflict avoidance in a negative light.It becomes a problem when you shut down your own needs and feelings because you want to avoid conflict.Being open about your needs can result in a confrontation.Conflict can foster the development of skills like compromise, negotiation, and cooperation.You may be able to handle conflict better with assertiveness training.Increased self-esteem can be linked to assertive communication.You can handle a confrontation without feeling defensive or like you need to attack the other person if you believe that your own feelings and needs are as important as those of others.
Step 14: Seek help.
It can be difficult to fight learned guilt on your own.If you have had long-term dealings with someone who was in a position of authority over you and made you feel like you had to obey all the time, it can be hard to break the pattern.These behaviors are ways to protect yourself from harm and threat, so don’t be harsh on yourself.The problem is that they have become poor ways of setting you up for a fall each time.Working through them will make you feel better.A good friend or mentor can help some people make a decision to work on their own.Some people find seeing a therapist beneficial.Do what feels right for you.
Step 15: Start small
It will take time to communicate your needs and stand up for yourself.Before confronting someone in a position of authority or importance, you may want to practice standing up for yourself in low-risk situations.If a co-worker asks you to bring their coffee whenever you go to Starbucks, you could remind them about the cost the next time they ask.You don’t have to be mean when you say something like “Would you like to give me cash to pay for yours, or would you prefer I put both on my debit card and you can buy the next round?”
Step 16: Don’t be afraid to be direct.
You need to let the other person know that you feel taken for granted.Attacks and “you” statements can make a bad situation worse if they shut down communication.Simple, factual statements can be used to explain your feelings.Stay calm.It’s important to keep your emotions under control.While there may be a lot of negative emotions within you, focus on presenting a calm front and letting the other person know that you mean business.Don’t change your language to “I” language.It’s easy to say things like “you make me miserable” or ” you’re a jerk”, but that makes the other person defensive.If you want to start your sentences with phrases such as “I feel” and ” I want”, then you should explain how things affect you.You can explain the situation if you’re concerned that you don’t want to help.For example, if a coworker asks for your help, you could say something like “I would normally love to help you with that project, but my son’s recital is tonight and I don’t want to miss it.”Don’t reward hostile behavior with positive consequences.When someone abuses you may only encourage them to do it again.Say you don’t like that behavior.
Step 17: The other person should be given ways to resolve the issue.
Others may not know that they have been taking advantage of you.They may not know how to make the situation right once you bring it to their attention.If you can help the other person with the problem, you will both feel better about your relationship.Explain how your boss can remedy the situation if you feel taken for granted because your contributions to a group project haven’t been acknowledged.You could say, “My name was the only one left off of that big project.”When that happened, I felt like my work wasn’t appreciated.If you feel like your romantic partner is taking your love for granted because he or she doesn’t express feelings clearly, offer some options that would help you.You could say something like, “I know you aren’t into flowers and chocolates, but I would like you to occasionally express your feelings for me in a way that feels comfortable for you.”A simple text during the day would help me feel appreciated.
Step 18: When interacting with others, use your empathy.
If you want to stand up for yourself, you don’t have to pick fights.If you care about the other person’s feelings, you can make them more willing to listen to your concerns.If your romantic partner always leaves the dishes and laundry for you to do, begin by making a statement of empathy: “I know that you care about me, but when I always end up doing it, I feel more like a maid than a partner.”I need your help with these chores.We could alternate days, or we could do them together.
Step 19: Don’t say what you want to say.
It is helpful to rehearse what you will say to the other person.Explain what you would like to see change from the situation or behavior that upset you.The point is to become comfortable with what you say so that you can communicate it clearly to the other person.Imagine if you have a friend who often makes plans with you and then cancels at the last minute.You don’t feel like your friend respects your time because you have begun to feel taken for granted.You could say something like the following: “Terrell, I want to talk to you about something that has been bothering me.”You end up canceling on me at the last minute when we make plans to hang out.I can’t make new plans with such short notice.I agree to hang out with you when you ask because I feel like you are taking my time for granted.I wonder if you are canceling because you don’t want to hang out with me.I want you to put the plans in your planner so you don’t double-book the time.If you have to cancel, I would like you to call me more than a few minutes before.You asked me a few days ago if I could babysit your son, and I said yes.I agreed because I want you to know that I’m there for you when you need me.I have babysat for you several times this month and I feel like I’m always on call.I would like you to ask other people to help out as well.
Step 20: Be assertive in your body language.
You don’t want to send mixed signals to the other person if your words and behavior match up.If you have to say no to a request or enforce a boundary, assertive body language can help the other person understand that you are serious.Stand straight and keep eye contact.Look at the person you are talking to.Speak in a way that is polite.It’s not necessary to shout to make yourself heard.Don’t pull funny faces.These tactics can be used to communicate that you don’t mean what you say.
Step 21: Consistency is important.
Make it clear to the person that you mean what you say.People may initially test your boundaries, especially if you’ve given in to demands in the past.Enforce your boundaries with politeness and persistence.Don’t come across as self-righteous when you maintain your boundaries.If you insist on your own perspective, it may come across as arrogant even if you don’t mean it.You don’t have to make a long speech about your personal rights to decline the next time a neighbor asks to borrow something, if you want to.Tell the person that you don’t want to lend them any more tools until they return the others.