Amicably ending a relationship.

Some relationships don’t last forever.It’s an inescapable part of being human to end a relationship.A good ending to a relationship is more desirable than a bad one.You might want to know how to amicably end a relationship if you’re in a struggling one.Keep your emotions in check and remember the emotions of the other party.

Step 1: Don’t wait for the wrong time.

When to end your relationship is the first thing you need to figure out.If you want the relationship to end amicably, you should choose a time when the other person’s life won’t be disrupted.If you’ve decided to end a relationship, it may be tempting to try to get it over quickly.When you can have this difficult conversation that won’t cause any more trauma than necessary, try to pick a time soon.It is possible to avoid breaking the news on major holidays when the person has to go to some important meeting or function, or in conjunction with other major life setbacks like the loss of a job, parent or pet.If necessary, be willing to push the schedule back a few days.

Step 2: It’s up to you to choose the right moment.

Set aside a couple of hours for the conversation and pick a time that you won’t be rushed.If things get out of hand, having a time limit for the conversation is a good idea.If you can, make plans to leave at the end of the time you are there.Make sure you have enough time to have an honest conversation about the topic and answer any questions the other person may have.

Step 3: It is a good place to have the conversation.

This conversation can be had in a good place.A neutral and semi-private place is the best option.You don’t want to choose a place that is completely private, as this increases the possibility of the other person making a scene or giving emotional speeches that will convince you to change your mind.You don’t want to do this in front of people that will hear your words.This can be embarrassing for the other person.

Step 4: You can do it in person.

If you can help, don’t end the relationship via text, email, or phone call.This way of ending a relationship is disrespectful to the other person.The possibility of misunderstandings can be increased if a relationship is ended via text or email.

Step 5: Think about what you want to say.

It’s a good idea to plan out what you want to say to the person.If you start to lose your courage, this will help you stay focused on what you need to say.You can anticipate the other person’s questions by having answers ready.If there’s any chance you will change your mind, he or she will want to know why.This is not up for negotiation, and you should be specific about the grievances that led you to this decision.”Because of X, I need to break up with you,” not “I’ve been thinking maybe we need a break from each other.”

Step 6: Get some feedback.

Talk to a trusted friend about what you’re going to say.If anything seems unclear, ask your friend to give you a clue as to what the other person will be asking.You can ask your friend if they are being too harsh or if you are giving the other person false hope.

Step 7: Prepare yourself.

It is difficult to end a relationship.It will be difficult for both of you.Do your best to steel yourself for an emotional reaction.You may need some kind of support after the conversation.You should make plans in advance to take care of yourself.You might need some time alone.You might want to meet a friend.Make arrangements if you think about what will be most helpful to you.

Step 8: Set a time.

Let the other person know that you need to talk about something important once you feel prepared.You can be certain that you won’t be interfering with an important public, business, or social engagement if you know that he or she has enough time.If you can help, don’t tell the other person you need to have this conversation until a few hours before.If there are obvious issues in the relationship, the other person may spend a lot of time worrying about what will happen if you give them too much advance notice.

Step 9: Don’t be mean, but be honest.

Don’t be mean or accusatory, but tell the person that the relationship is over and explain why.Tell us why it didn’t work out.The other person can learn from this.If you’re breaking up with this person because he or she doesn’t include you in other aspects of life, that’s an example.You might say that you haven’t felt like you’re part of your life.When you go out with your friends, I feel like you haven’t been inclusive when I’ve asked to go.I’m worried that you haven’t introduced me to your family.I feel like I’m not important to you.I think you’re a great person, but that’s not the kind of relationship that will make me happy, so I need to move on.You can be honest about your feelings about the break up.Let the other person know if this is hard for you.It can make you feel better about the situation.

Step 10: Don’t sugarcoat.

You shouldn’t sugarcoat things or be too nice if you want to be kind.This can cause confusion to the other person.He or she can hold onto hope that you will change your mind.This doesn’t help the other person in the long run.It is possible for a break up to be so nice that the other person doesn’t notice.You will have to go through the whole thing again if this happens.You wouldn’t want to say, “I really love you, and I think this is something you need to work on.”If he or she made some changes, you would be willing to continue the relationship.

Step 11: Take responsibility for your actions.

Both parties bear some responsibility when a relationship ends.People’s fault is very seldom.Take responsibility for the end of the relationship.You could say, “I probably should have spoken up more before now to let you know how I felt about these problems, and I know there’s more I could have done to make you part of my life, too.”These statements will help the other person feel less blamed for the problems that have brought about the end of the relationship.

Step 12: Provide a reason for the break up.

The other person can feel like you are blaming them if you use the “It’s me” line.You don’t have to tell the person every reason why you want to break up, just give a specific reason.You could say, “I have noticed that I am becoming really critical of you and it is interfering with my ability to be a good boyfriend/girlfriend.”It tells me that I am not ready for this kind of commitment.

Step 13: Listen to the other person.

You won’t be the only one with something important to say.Listen patiently and respectfully to the other person’s response, and answer any questions she or he might have.The other person may be upset.He or she might want to tell you about their feelings.There may be difficult questions.Prepare for and accept all of this.If the other person tears up, you might say, “I understand that this probably hurts you a lot.”I’m sorry this is hard for you.

Step 14: Don’t argue at all.

Do not allow this to become an argument, as it is respectful to hear the other person out and answer any questions she or he may have.Neither of you will benefit from this.If the other person starts making accusations or blaming you for the problems, you could say something like: “I know I wasn’t a perfect boyfriend/girlfriend, but this is how I feel.”I don’t want to argue about it.If the person tries to convince you to stay in the relationship, you can say something like, “My mind is made up, and I’m not going to change it.”

Step 15: Control your emotions.

Try to be the calm one in this situation.The other person has not had time to prepare.It’s possible that you have strong feelings about the relationship ending.The other person may be mean to you.Take a deep breath and try to keep your emotions in check.An amicable split will not be promoted by getting angry and having a fight now.

Step 16: It’s a good idea to be clear about the future.

Tell the other person what type of relationship you would like to have with them in the future.Say so if you hope to still be friends.Say that if you don’t want to see her or him again.If you want to stay friends, you could say “I hope after we both take a little time to heal, we can still be friends.”If you don’t want the other person in your life, be honest.Try to be friends would be too difficult for me.If we don’t see each other anymore, it’s probably best.Don’t assume that staying friends will work out.The other person might not feel that way.It may be too difficult for one or both of you.

Step 17: Don’t complain about your ex.

Many mistakes can prevent the split from being truly amicable after a relationship is over.A tendency to complain about the other person is one of these.If word gets back to the other person that you’ve said unkind things about him or her, this can ruin any chance of a happy ending.Don’t do it with people who are likely to share your comments with others, because you may have feelings you need to vent.Do not complain about this person to your friends.Don’t say anything on social media.If you don’t think you’ll be able to resist the temptation, just stay off social media for a few days.

Step 18: Don’t try to get revenge.

It can be tempting to seek revenge after a break up if you feel like you’ve been cheated on.If you want things to be friendly, this is not acceptable.Do not get romantically involved with a friend of another person in order to get back at them.Do not post embarrassing pictures of him or her on the internet or reveal information that was told to you in confidence.

Step 19: It’s a good idea to divide the possessions fairly.

When it’s time to divide shared possessions and return things that belonged to the other person, a lot of breakups turn nasty.It can be difficult if you live with another person.You should approach this calmly and be fair.Give back anything that is not the other person’s.If you want to find a compromise with shared belongings, ask how you would feel if I took X and you took Y.It may be worth letting the other person have it if they really want it.If it isn’t worth fighting, just let it go.

Step 20: Don’t encourage feelings to linger.

If the other person still has feelings for you, do not encourage them, unless you are serious about getting back together.Sending mixed signals may be hard to avoid, but do your best.If you don’t want to get back together, it’s not right to string him or her along.If you still have feelings for the other person, you should keep them to yourself.It might make you feel good to say it in the moment, and it might even make the other person happy.This can make it harder for the other person to move on with their life, which can lead to resentment and anger.

Step 21: It’s a good idea to avoid intimate contact.

It can be scary to end a relationship.It’s not uncommon for people to seek out the familiarity of intimate contact with someone they’ve recently broken up with.This should not happen.It can feel good to have sex with someone you’ve just broken up with.It can make the situation more difficult for both of you and keep you from moving forward.

Step 22: Give it time.

If you want to remain friends with the other person, you will probably need some time apart before this can happen.It can take a long time to recover from a break up.Even if you are happy about the break up, your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend might be sad.It will take a while for him or her to recover, so be patient.It can be hard for one or both of you to move on with your lives if you try to be friends right away.Wait until you are sure that you will be friends with your ex.It may take a few months or years.